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Lord, I know that I should be happy always because a sad Christian is a very bad Christian. I want to smile, I want to be happy. But I cannot.
How can I be happy when I see so many people suffering?
How can I be happy when I see conflict in my own family?
How can I be happy when I am not able to express myself?
How can I be happy when there is not enough money for the children? How can I be happy when the future is so bleak?
I want to be happy, I want to be a joyous Christian. But I cannot. I want to be happy but when I look at the television, I pictures of a grisly crime, of horrible disasters. I want to be happy but when I listen to the radio, I hear of anger, of problems, of murders, rape and drug abuse.
Lord, I want to be happy but I cannot be happy. My heart is torn. Torn between serving You and serving myself; torn between serving You and serving the pleasures of my body, torn between serving You and serving my ambitions.
Lord, I am afraid that my joy is not genuine. Sometimes I laugh, but this laughter is simply intended to block out the emptiness that I carry deep within. I am afraid that my joy comes from the simple conscience that is satisfied with the few donations I give to the church, a few good deeds done.
I say that I am happy but I am not because I have not given myself. Lord, my joy is not yet complete. I realize that I am not happy because I have not accepted my own limitations. I realize that I am not happy because I do not see the value of the sufferings I endure day by day. I do not appreciate the pains in the family. I do not appreciate the value of suffering in the world.
Lord, remind me each time I get too troubled that when we suffer, we complete Your passion for life in the world. Lord, take away my shame for suffering. Help me to look beyond suffering. Help me to look beyond pain. Help me to look beyond the problems in the family and see You. Lord, I know You are there. I trust that You are there. Do not take away the problems in my life. I only ask You for more faith, more courage so that I may be happy again.
Lord, You are the source of all joy and in You all joys are complete. Bring back genuine laughter in my heart. Put on a pure smile on my lips. Take away the tensions, the pressures that I have been carrying all these months, all these years. Make my joy complete.
