Praying to be comfortable with self

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Lord My Chef Daily Recipe for Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Thursday, Twenty-Fourth Week in Ordinary Time, Year II
1 Corinthians 15:1-11     ><))))*> + ><))))*> + ><))))*>     Luke 7:36-50
Photo from Getty Images of painting by Frenchman James Tissot of sinful woman anointing and kissing the feet of Jesus in the house of Simon (Lk.7:36-50).
After praying over today's
scriptures, I realized, 
Lord Jesus
one gift I think I must ask
from you especially now
I am already old:
the grace of self-composure,
of being at home with my self,
of being comfortable 
with my true self.

A certain Pharisee invited Jesus to dine with him, and he entered the Pharisee’s house and reclined at table. Now, there was a sinful woman in the city who learned that he was at table in the house of the Pharisee. Bringing an alabaster flask of ointment, she stood behind him at his feet weeping, and began to bathe his feet with her tears. The she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and anointed them with the ointment. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, that she is a sinner” (Luke 7:36-39).

Lord Jesus,
"mahihiya po ako -
sa aking sarili,
sa inyo
at sa iba pang naroon
kung nasaksihan ko po ito
ng personal."
It was not an embarrassing
moment actually
but why all the reactions of
Simon and his guests
who were his fellow Pharisees?

Because the woman
was so truthful,
sincere
and honest;
she did not mind at all
the spectacle,
the respected people around
when she did a public contrition
of her sins to Christ;
it is not really
about us imitating her
but imitating you,
Jesus who was never
bothered by that sinful woman
in coming to you,
washing your feet with her tears,
wiping them dry with her hair,
and anointing with oiled perfume.
You were so free,
Jesus,
from what others may say
being approached and touched by
a sinner as Simon had thought;
you were so free,
Jesus,
to focus solely with the woman
and appreciate her kindness;
you were so free,
Jesus,
to forgive her for all her sins
after admitting
her own sinfulness,
so unlike the others
present there,
judging the woman,
casting doubts on you, Jesus
especially after you have
forgiven her sins.
There are times,
Lord,
despite the presence
of other people,
I am so absorbed with my self
that most often I am suspicious
of what others are thinking of me
that I cannot truly listen
and understand their words
because I am so insecure with myself;
truly, the more I talk of others,
the more I talk of myself!
Teach me, Jesus
to be comfortable with my self,
to be at home with my true self,
to be at home with my self
so that I may truly express myself
to you, Lord;
teach me to be like St. Paul
who had no any insecurity
at all in claiming himself
to be "the least of the Apostles"
being the persecutor of the early
Christians;
teach me to be comfortable
with my true self
so that I may focus more
on your abounding grace
bestowed on me despite
everything
so that like you
I may focus more
on those needing your loving
presence and grace.
Amen.
Photo by author, patio of St. Agnes Church in Jerusalem, May 2017.

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